I remember as a 5th grader getting clear one day, stating, “I want my own best friend, and not just anyone, but someone perfect for me and me perfect for her.” I’m not sure if I had any one person in mind for this grand claim. However, there was in my homeroom that year a person who did later transform from an incidental friend into a deeper, true, loyal, we-are-both-all-in kind of friendship. She is still my very best friend and confidant today, forty-plus years later.
Another clear memory of a claim for friendship, this one not for me but for my mom, who, after moving to a new town, found herself surrounded by fair-weather, and belittling, friends. I said, “Mom, you need a best friend, someone who genuinely is worthy of your good heart, who has your back, and who enjoys your company.” I could see that the current crew, who sometimes left her out and spoke ill behind her back, was wearing on her self-esteem.
One day while we were chatting about yet another heartbreaking incident, I couldn’t bear it anymore. With her permission, I launched into a grand claim for her, for a new best friend. It went something like this…
“I claim for my mom a true friend, someone who has an easy, natural love for her kind, good nature. Someone who is herself honest, easy to be with, kindhearted and who enjoys similar activities. Someone is who loyal and loving, who has her back, who appreciates her refinements and sensitivities, someone with maturity, depth and good common social sense.”
All of this was opposite to what my mom was currently experiencing.
So I stated this claim and with tears in her eyes my mom stood witness, and in agreement, as we sent this declaration out into the void to see what it might do.
My mom loved to take long walks. In fact, our own treasured friendship was grown and deepened because of our many long walks together.
One day not long after that, at an after-church event, a sweet lady my mom’s same age, announced that she needed a walking buddy. My mom raised her hand – “That’s me! I like to walk!”, she said.” Both retired, they started walking together every day. And this nice lady, Laurie, became my mom’s best friend.
It can happen just like that. A claim is made. We finally get clear. Our clarity gets the energy moving in a certain direction. The Universe delivers.
Not only was Laurie a devoted, loving, perfect match of a best friend for my mom, helping her to face a cancer diagnosis in her final years of life, Laurie has also been a great friend to me. As I navigated the murky waters of settling my mom’s estate, Laurie never left my side. And, it all started because we claimed it.
Who we surround ourselves with can make life so much more enlivened and enlightening. A good friend can make a huge difference in how we see and experience ourselves. Everyone needs a good, kind, honest, loving mirror.
A good friend is someone who is allowing to a point, not knit picky but has high standards of conduct for herself and others, is not quick to take offense, is responsible for her own emotions and behaviors, is a good self-observer, honest with you, honest with herself. She can listen and hold focus on one topic to the depth of it. She is not afraid of the dark or the light. She cares about living her best life and shares her trials, mistakes and successes with you full-on so you both can learn to be better. She is grounded and soulful, practical and witty. She can see all sides of a situation and you can take turns holding the space for each other as you explore life and relationships and growth. She listens equally as much as she talks. The relationship goes both ways equally with not one giving consistently more than the other, nor one reaching out more than the other. Both are all in, naturally committed and willing to ride it out through thick and thin, as soulful witnesses to each other’s lives, with lots of common ground rooting the friendship in familiarity and shared values. She is happy when things go well for you.
Anyway, that’s my definition. What’s your claim? What does your unique soul print desire and require of a good friend? How do you define friendship? State your claim. Let’s stand witness to it. Let’s get the energy rolling. Everyone deserves good, solid, lasting friendships. Depending on your clarity and conviction, you will likely manifest something even better than you imagine.
Julie Matheson is a holistic mental health counselor and author. Her new book is now on Amazon in paperback, Kindle, Audible and in bookstores near you – Lotus Flower Living: A Journaling Practice for Deep Discovery and Lasting Peace: Untangle Your Mind and Heart Once and For All. You may listen to the Introduction at LotusFlowerLiving.com/book.